The evil of apathy: Matt’s story of abuse, resilience, and hope

Matt’s story isn’t about a fix for mental health; it’s about the intentionality of a survivor.

When a couple finds out they are going to have a child, it often comes with myriad emotions, doubts, and fears. Generally, this preoccupation is because you are aware of the enormous responsibility you are going to have in taking care of a brand new life. 

It cannot be overstated just how malleable babies and children are. They are little bundles of unfathomable potential and you, as a parent, are the most significant influence on what shape their lives will take. 

Matt Fraser’s early story is perhaps the ultimate checklist of what not to do when bringing a new life into this world. The cards were stacked against him from the first month of pregnancy when he developed spina bifida – a condition he would meet with exceptional resilience – and the hand he was dealt didn’t improve after birth. He suffered the most horrific abuse, neglect, and early trauma that has plagued him throughout his life and left lasting mental health scars.

But what makes Matt’s story so compelling is not the evil that was subjected to him, but the control he has asserted over his own life, his impressive academic accomplishments, and the good he has inspired as a result. 

Sometimes, no matter how you are nurtured, your core nature is stronger still. This is the essence of Matt.

An early childhood of abuse

According to Matt: "The message... I've carried for my entire life... is that not only was I not good enough to be protected from my abuse, I was so pathetically worthless that [my mother] was actively putting me in these situations."

This kind of internalization is understandable. As young children, we automatically believe that our parents are infallible and if something bad happens, it is our fault. When Matt was five, a female member of his mother’s social circle would make out with him for sport; simply to elicit laughs from the group. 

From the earliest age, he was treated as a toy, rather than a life. And this trend continued. Matt highlights another situation when he was sixteen. In that case, he was again treated as the butt of a joke in a wildly inappropriate manner. 

His mother’s abuse came from a mix of apathy and a type of selfish emotional sadism where her cruel enjoyment was always paramount. She would minimize and disregard the inappropriate behavior as “just a joke” and, in doing so, fail to recognize Matt’s autonomy or identity as a complex being that deserves love and respect. 

Wearing scars as a tattoo 

At sixteen years old, Matt was able to escape the environment and moved in with an aunt. But the complexity of his family life meant he couldn’t draw a line in the sand and begin entirely afresh. 

Instead, his life became defined by protecting his younger siblings from their mother, who had children with three different men. For example, at 23 he would drive three hours once a month to visit his siblings in foster care and fight a legal battle against his mother. He did eventually successfully advocate for the termination of her parental rights to ensure their safety.

As Matt says, “I had always intended to go back for my siblings... I made it a point to go out and visit them in foster care once a month... fighting to make sure that my mother didn't regain custody."

The scars of his own experience hardened, but they didn’t disappear. Instead, they became like a tattoo: a permanent record of a past he didn’t choose, but one he now wears with the intentionality of a survivor – transforming the marks of his pain into a badge of the strength it took to save his family.

Academic success: The flight into productivity

Despite the instability of his upbringing, where he moved eight times between kindergarten and high school, Matt transformed his resilience into a relentless drive for achievement. 

He describes himself as "very well educated," holding two bachelor's degrees (in Political Science and Theater) and two master's degrees (in Business Administration and International Management). 

Most remarkably, he completed both master's programs in a single year. This period of "knocking off multiple degrees" reflects a man using productivity as a shield, building a professional life that stands in stark contrast to the chaos of his youth. 

From working in the Chicago theater industry to state government in Wisconsin and his current role at a humane society in Milwaukee (where he finds solace in animals), Matt’s resume is a testament to a mind that refused to be limited by its origin story.

The internal battle: C-PTSD and "atrocious" self-Talk

However, academic and professional accolades have not silenced the message that he internalized early in his childhood. Matt is candid about the fact that his anxiety and depression are symptoms of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD). 

We have spoken about PTSD before in a domestic context. But this is different again. The trauma of being unprotected by his primary caregiver has left him with a lingering sense of inadequacy and a desperate need for external approval, particularly from women. This manifests as a brutal internal monologue; Matt describes his self-talk as "just absolutely atrocious," admitting that even a small mistake at work can trigger a spiral where he tells himself he is a "worthless piece of shit". 

He battles frequent panic attacks fueled by a fear that one wrong move will lead to total destitution. While he utilizes healthy outlets like the community of metal music, the humor of George Carlin, and the comfort of his dog, the struggle to "show himself grace" remains a daily labor.

He also found that for people with PTSD – especially C-PTSD – traditional talk therapy may not be enough, and that seeking therapists trained in alternative or specialized approaches can be an important part of healing.

A driving force for hope

Matt’s story is not one of a "finished" healing, but of a courageous, ongoing process. He continues to strive for a future where he can be a "fantastic husband and an amazing father," giving to a future family the protection he was denied. 

He lives by the philosophy that it is "not how long you lived your life but how you lived it," finding light in the irreverent wisdom of Richard Pryor and the uncompromising authenticity of Muhammad Ali. 

Matt serves as a reminder that your trauma does not have to be your identity – it can be the fuel for your purpose. To anyone standing in the shadow of their own history, Matt’s advice is simple: "Try to find the thing that is so deeply, deeply meaningful to have happen in your life and have that be your driving force."

If you have been affected by anything in Matt’s story, remember you are not alone. At MHAI, we can help you to find the right professionals to help kick start your process of healing. For more information, contact us today. 

For a free and anonymous mental health screen with resources, please visit our tests here.