By now, many of us will have already given up on our New Year’s resolutions. It almost seems like part of the plan at this stage – every year, we make a resolution with the full understanding that it won’t last the month.
In fact, studies show that around 88% of people who make New Year’s resolutions fail. Other statistics suggest that 94% struggle to keep them.
Why is this? Dr. Asim Shah, a professor of Menninger Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Services at Baylor College of Medicine suggests that it is because people try to do too much instantly and set themselves up to fail.
According to Shah, “people tend to go too hard, too quickly, instead of taking small steps.” This is the number one reason people give up – because their goals are “unachievable or idealistic”.
With so much failure surrounding the concept of the New Year’s resolution, it begs the questions as to whether it is even a healthy practice in the first place.
The tradition of the New Year’s resolution
They say that nothing is new under the sun, and New Year’s resolutions are certainly not the exception. While feeling like a modern phenomenon, New Year’s resolutions actually date back to at least 4,000 years ago with the ancient Babylonian festival of Akitu.
Instead of being celebrated in January, it was held in April or sometimes March. The motivation was, in part, to placate temperamental gods, particularly Marduk, by getting your house and yourself in order.
But, while the Babylonians were (as far as we know) the first to do this, they were not the last. In the thousands of years since the festival of Akitu took place, we have kept up or simultaneously invented the tradition of making resolutions across countries, cultures, and continents.
The root cause of the resolution
This wide-ranging ubiquity of the practice suggests that it speaks to us on a fundamental level. Many if not all of us have a deep desire to be better. Whatever our specific perceived flaws are – whether we struggle with eating disorders, drink too much alcohol, are suffering from workplace stress, or any of the many other mental health disorders out there – we innately want to change something about ourselves.
With the New Year, it doesn’t feel like a simple new calendar month. It is a large part of the world (depending on each culture’s traditions) taking a visible step forward together into the future. This sensation of it being an event or a new chapter inspires us to “be better” moving forward. And we believe that by starting as we mean to go on is a powerful way to achieve this.
The problem is that nothing concretely has changed. All of the complexities of our lives that were causing stress before the holidays remain. Our desire for real change is built on superficiality, which makes it extremely difficult to maintain.
Are resolutions bad practices?
The concept of a resolution that’s built on shaky foundations leads to complications and low completion rates. But some decry them as a bad practice in general.
The popular, motivational speaker Gabrielle Bernstein says, “I think we need to ditch our resolutions. A resolution really implies that we have something to fix, or that there is something wrong with us.”
Instead, we can swap resolutions with “intentions,” which Bernstein affirms are “empowering, exciting, creative – it’s very different than being in a resolution."
Adopting a healthier approach
Instead of saying “this will change” and trying to focus on a habit or behavior, try to look for the root cause. Identify the beliefs that you have which are limiting you and ask yourself what you need to begin stimulating change.
In general, the important elements are to begin from a place of honesty and sincerity. If you are suffering from a mental health issue, we always recommend seeking a professional or taking other steps to improve or heal. You can contact us here.
However, if you would like to take control yourself, here are some alternatives to New Year’s resolutions that might work.
Nudge yourself to new behaviors
One popular alternative to resolutions is to find a “nudge word” that “will nudge you toward positive change whenever you think of it,” as described by health writer Tara Parker-Pope.
Common words include “light,” “growth,” or “explore.” However, any word or even a couple of words will help as long as they align with your values and goals. If you struggle to recognize those around you and relationships are becoming strained as a result, adopting the word “grateful” might be the reminder you need to begin being more present.
Create a “to-don’t list”
Another common alternative is to decide ahead of time what boundaries you would like to be respected in the new year (or whenever you happen to be reading this article!). When we decide what we will change with a resolution, it often involves a large effort of change on our parts.
However, there are many sources of discomfort in our lives that come not from our actions but from our inaction. For some people, this is due to saying “yes” too often or prioritizing others’ needs over your own – to your detriment.
Common examples from Psychology Today include:
Don’t automatically say yes to a request. Instead say, “I’ll think about it and get back to you.”
Don’t schedule more than one appointment or event in one given day.
Simply stop reading that book or article you aren't enjoying.
Set yourself smaller goals
We mentioned before how the main reason that many people fail is because they take on too much too quickly. These drastic changes can lead to discouragement and can knock our feelings of belief in ourselves.
Another approach is to use “mini-goals” as a way to ease into new habits. If you walk for 10 minutes a day, you’ll slowly build up stamina and can increase intensity over months. If you decide on January 1st that you’re going to run a marathon, then by day four – with your legs aching after only four miles a day – you’ll probably give up on that goal.
This works for everything. Small, cumulative goals that take you towards a positive direction are more powerful than large resolutions that will likely lead to feelings of stress, inadequacy and giving up.
So, don’t feel bad about not keeping your New Year’s resolution. Instead, identify your self-limiting belief and develop small habits to move towards a more positive you.
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