Getting married? Make a vow to your mental health

If there’s one thing we’ve learned from statistics and trends around the holiday season, it’s that traditionally “happy” occasions can be a source of stress. 

Getting married is undoubtedly a joyous day. It represents two people who have made the clear decision to spend their lives together and publicly declare their love for one another. 

However, the reality doesn’t always entirely live up to this ideal. So, how can couples protect their mental health before, during, and after their nuptials? 

Marriage statistics in the US

It’s worth noting that being married does have mental health benefits overall. Studies show that “​​married people are approximately 16% more likely than unmarried people to describe their mental health as ‘excellent’ or ‘very good’ within every category of formal education.”

However, that doesn’t mean that every stage of a couple’s relationship is smooth sailing. We are all familiar with the high rates of divorce in the country. Researchers have found that almost 50% of all marriages in the US will end in divorce.

Why do people get divorced?

The reasons for divorce are varied and highly nuanced. Around 60% of couples who get married between the age of 20-25 will get divorced, whereas only 24% of couples who get married over 25 will have the same outcome. 

It also depends on whether you have been married before, with the divorce rate increasing drastically the more times you are married. In fact, if both you and your partner have been married previously, you are 90% more likely to get divorced.

Of course, one of the factors that increases the likelihood of divorce is mental health. 

Marriage and mental health

According to a multinational study on 18 mental health disorders, all increase the likelihood of divorce, ranging from a 20% to an 80% increase. The biggest contributing disorders to this were addictions and major depression, with PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) also significant.

Wedding mental health

Likewise, the run up to the wedding and the day itself can be a source of stress for couples. Common regrets can be logistical, with 19% regretting their wedding day timeline and schedule. Other regrets include the size of the wedding, with some wishing they had invited fewer people and others wishing they had more. 

But most worryingly of all, the act of planning can be so stressful that a fifth of all people report getting cold feet or pre-wedding anxiety due to the experience. Some even considered calling it off, with women more likely to feel this level of stress than men.

Strategies to protect yourself and future spouse

We need to remember that, while parties are fun, it is just one day. The run up to the wedding and the lifetime afterwards are where the real bond is forged and hardened. 

Here are some common scenarios before, during, and after the big day, and tips to approach them. 

Before the wedding

The biggest preparation mentally is done long before the wedding – or even before the proposal. Beginning a relationship based on strong, open communication and recognition of one another’s triggers or mental health issues builds a firm foundation of support. This includes issues like finances, which can be a cause of stress for many couples!

When the proposal does take place, it’s essential to give yourselves as a couple enough time to properly plan the event depending on the size you want. 

But beyond these logistical considerations, there are some very important conversations that need to be had before even considering tying the knot. 

The topics that should be covered include: 

Approach to parenthood

Not every couple can or wants to have children. And that is entirely fine if both are on the same page. However, when either one or both of the people in the relationship decides they do want to have children, it requires serious conversation as it may entirely change your lives.

That’s why it’s critical to address the topic openly and respectfully. These discussions should go beyond surface-level logistics and explore deeper motivations, fears, and hopes. It may also be helpful to involve a counselor or therapist to navigate the emotional complexity. Ultimately, both individuals deserve to live lives that feel meaningful and aligned with their values, whether that includes children or not.

In any case, clarity, empathy, and honesty are key. Avoiding the topic or hoping that one partner will eventually change their mind often leads to resentment or regret. Relationships thrive on shared understanding, and few decisions are as life-altering as whether or not to become parents.

Each other’s mental health

The other serious conversation to have is if you or your spouse-to-be have any ongoing mental health issues. It may be that, during the dating period, you (or your partner) has felt the need to hide any ongoing struggles. 

They will come out one way or another. 

To mitigate the negative impact and be a supportive and helpful partner, it is important to have an open and honest discussion about mental health beforehand. This allows both individuals to create a foundation of empathy and support. 

By acknowledging these issues early on, you can work together to create a plan for managing them, whether that involves therapy, medication, or other strategies. The goal is not to "fix" each other but to support one another in navigating life's ups and downs with a shared commitment to each other's well-being.

On the wedding day

The wedding day is a lot of fun, but it can also be a high-stress experience. Be aware of each other’s worries and stresses to look out for one another. 

For example, a common problem people face is the absence of loved ones. Whether this is caused by death, relationship deterioration, or simply logistical obstacles, it can be difficult not having everyone you want there. 

Again, what’s most important is to remember that it’s just a day and the small details in the end don't matter as much as you think. Consider other weddings you’ve been to. What do you remember? For most of us, it’s how happy the couple are and if they’re genuinely enjoying their time together. Happiness is contagious.

Living happily ever after

Marriage is the beginning of a lifelong commitment to another person, but it should also be a commitment to yourself. With all the excitement, stress, and pressure that planning a wedding and building a life together inevitably brings, it’s easy to sideline your mental well-being. 

But your emotional health is not a luxury, it’s a foundation for a strong life together.

As you exchange vows with your partner, make one to yourself, too: to check in regularly with your feelings, to set boundaries when needed, to ask for help without guilt, and to prioritize self-care alongside shared care. 

Support each other not just through the big milestones, but in the quiet moments of stress, anxiety, or uncertainty.

If you are thinking about getting married and are facing any of the issues in this article, we would recommend getting in contact with a couples therapist. Remember, therapy isn’t just for when things are going wrong – it’s also a relationship block builder to ensure things go right. 

For any questions or concerns, please reach out to us today for more information.