Beyond survival: The necessities of a flourishing life

We all know that humans must have basic necessities to live. We need water, food, shelter, and sleep. These are non-negotiables just to simply survive. 

But what about our mental health? The ability to live a fulfilling life requires a similar combination of fundamental "necessities" that are perhaps less obvious to us. 

According to trauma therapist and author Dr. Anita Phillips, a flourishing life rests on three dimensions: purpose, legacy, and relationships. 

Her framework echoes research from Harvard’s Human Flourishing Program, which counts meaning and purpose and close social relationships as the basic necessities of living a flourishing life.

Find your purpose

On one hand, talking about “purpose” may feel abstract, and in a way it is. Your purpose will be drastically different from your neighbors, and your neighbor’s from someone else’s. It’s a highly personal and individualized concept.

So what do we mean by finding your purpose?

Psychologist Jaimie Lusk defines purpose as the pursuit of goals that are personally meaningful and point toward the future, often found in how we connect with and serve others. 

The concrete benefits of purpose

Although the door is wide open to what our own purpose may be. The results of finding it are truly exceptional. In fact, people with a strong sense of purpose actually live longer.  A 2026 meta-analysis of 488,765 people followed for up to 32 years found roughly 30% lower risk of early death. The link held across countries, incomes and ages, even after accounting for smoking, exercise and depression.

The benefits go well beyond a longer life. According to Harvard Health, a sense of purpose is linked to sharper memory and thinking, steadier moods, and lower risks of chronic disease and disability. People with purpose also tend to see stressors as more manageable, cope better, and keep up with healthy habits like regular health screenings. A review in Frontiers in Psychology adds that purpose can help people work through stress, depression, and anxiety.

How do you know what your purpose is?

Others can help, but finding your purpose is ultimately up to you. Here’s how to start.

Start with clues you already have

• Notice your emotions. Joy signals meaningful work, anger shows what’s worth fighting for, and fear shows what you want to protect.

• Ask about your strengths. Ask friends and family what comes to mind when they think of you, then put those traits to work for others.

• Look at what you’ve survived. Obstacles you’ve overcome can help others facing the same thing.

  
  

Reflect

• What did I enjoy most this week? Who did I feel most satisfied serving? In 10 years, what would I be proudest of having spent this week doing?

• If money were no object, what would you do, and how can you do part of it now?

Keep in mind

• Don’t compare. Your purpose is yours alone.

• Expect it to change. Purpose shifts with each stage of life.

• Just start. Momentum leads somewhere.

  
  

Legacy: Planning for what we leave

According to Diane Button, legacy is the imprint everyone leaves on the world, intended or not. Like a reputation, it’s built day by day. So, if we think of purpose as something that gives your days meaning, legacy is what gives your life meaning. 

As with purpose, the benefits of this are as substantial as they are concrete. Research shows that older adults who invest in the next generation tend to report greater well-being. In fact, the structured reflection on one’s life story is an evidence-based way to reduce depression in older adults.

The temptation, especially given the evidence above, is to not worry about legacy until you hit a certain age. And while your purpose may take precedence while you are young or middle aged, the sooner we think about our place in the world – even after we are gone – the better we can direct our life as we live it.

How to build it

• Savor the ordinary. People at the end of life rarely talk about big moments. They miss morning coffee, birdsong, and conversations with family.

• Be kind, and make amends now. Old regrets are often small cruelties we never undid.

• Start a legacy project. End-of-life doulas help people create scrapbooks or recorded interviews for loved ones. You don’t need a diagnosis to begin.

• Write your own obituary. Ask what you want to be remembered for, then let the answer shape today.

• Mentor someone. This is where legacy and relationships meet.

Relationships: Who we do it with

Purpose and legacy don’t happen in isolation. As Johns Hopkins researcher Luke Kalb puts it, “it’s really difficult to have purpose without being connected to other people.” Relationships are the thread that holds the other two dimensions together.

The stakes are high. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General declared loneliness an epidemic, with health risks on par with smoking. On the other hand, connection calms the body. In a University of North Carolina study, couples who held hands and then shared a 20-second hug had smaller spikes in blood pressure and heart rate during a stressful task than those who sat alone.

How to build them

• Beat the “liking gap.” We consistently underestimate how much we’ll enjoy talking to others, especially new people. Make the first move. Call an old friend or say hello to someone new.

• Answer “how are you?” honestly. “Fine” closes the door, while a real answer invites real connection.

• Try the 20-second hug. Dr. Phillips recommends it as a way to deepen closeness and vulnerability. Always ask first. If hugging isn’t for you, a warm conversation, a good friend, or even a pet can offer similar comfort.

• Show up for your community. Volunteer, join a group, or lend your skills where they’re needed. This is where purpose and relationships meet.

  
  

Rebuilding from the inside out

Food, water, shelter, and sleep keep us alive. Purpose, legacy, and relationships make that life worth living. That matters now more than ever. 

As Diane Button says, people at the end of life ask one thing – did my life matter? The good news is that we don’t have to wait to answer it. We can start today.

If you’re struggling to find meaning or connection right now, you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out to us today at MHAI and we will get in contact with you as soon as possible.