Finding the "click": Why your first therapist may not be your last

“I think I should start seeing a therapist.”

This is the starting point for countless individuals who have decided to set out on their road to recovery. Even getting to this stage can be a long, trying period full of indecision and anxiety – on top of the other issues the individual is experiencing.

It’s a hugely important landmark. But that doesn’t mean that it’s easy from that moment on. For many, getting access to a therapist that is qualified, fits with your availability, and (most importantly) gels with you emotionally can be exceptionally difficult.

The power of self-help and peer support

For many, this journey starts with self-help – the books, the podcasts, and the online forums that offer a glimmer of understanding. These tools are valuable, and can be further enhanced by the unique power in peer support. 

Peer support provides empathetic care based on lived experiences, offering a bridge for those who may feel isolated by their struggles. It is a space where "I’ve been there too" becomes a catalyst for healing, helping individuals feel less alone as they prepare for the next step of professional clinical support.

Elisse’s relationship with therapists 

However, many people reach a stage where self-care or more casual peer support groups are no longer enough and they feel an impulse to seek professional help. For Elisse Lorenc, this realization arrived in 2019 at the age of 29.

Elisse is a volunteer coordinator at MHAI. Recently, she sat down with Morayo Orija, Programs and Development Director, to discuss her experience with finding a therapist that resonated with her.

After years of relying on online resources and personal management, she reached a breaking point where her depression and anxiety were severely impacting her quality of life. "What I'm doing on my own is just not enough; I need more help," she recalls.

The double burden: Physical and mental health 

Our mental health is often tied very closely to our physical health. Even getting a common cold or tummy ache can negatively affect our mood beyond the physical symptoms.

For someone struggling with a more chronic issue, this can be exceptionally trying to deal with on a psychological level.

This is exactly what happened with Elisse, whose journey is shaped by her experience with Dystonia, a neurological movement disorder she was diagnosed with at age nine. The condition causes involuntary muscle spasms and painful cramps that once made even walking a struggle. She describes it as "having no control of, like, your body when you, like, want control of it".

The Millennial mindset

Growing up as a Millennial, Elisse was part of a generation that began to speak more openly about mental health. However, she initially faced a significant "internalized stigma". Dealing with a physical disability made her hesitant to acknowledge mental health struggles, fearing she would add more stress to her parents' lives. She remembers "blatantly lying to the counselors... because I didn’t want to admit that there was more to it because of the fear of... causing more concerns for my parents".

The dating phase of therapy 

Finally, Elisse found she was at the point of “I think I should start seeing a therapist.” The very fact that she reached this point, understanding that she needed outside support, should be celebrated. But we also need to remember that this is still the start of the journey.

Not “one and done” 

One of the most vital lessons Elisse shared is that finding a therapist is rarely a "one and done" process. In fact, she is currently working with her sixth therapist. "It's kind of like dating," Elisse explains. "You get to know your therapist and sometimes you just reach a point where it's like, well, this is just no longer working for me".

Her search evolved from purely functional – checking for proximity and insurance – to finding someone she could truly relate to. She emphasizes that switching therapists isn't a failure; sometimes you reach a "plateau" where you’ve gained all you can from one person and need a new perspective to continue growing.

Therapy for marginalized communities

This "search for a click" is even more complex for those in marginalized communities. For Spanish speakers or individuals from other countries, the hurdle isn't just finding an available provider – it's finding one who understands their native language and cultural nuances. When you are fighting to be understood emotionally, having to translate your trauma through a linguistic barrier can make the "dating phase" of therapy feel impossible.

Building the mental toolkit 

Throughout her journey, Elisse has explored various modalities, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Internal Family Systems (IFS). Her current work with IFS involves viewing the mind as a system of "inner parts" – wounded or protective – that need to be addressed individually.

The goal, she says, is to build a "mental toolkit". This includes "mental health hygiene" – a daily checklist of self-care like sleep, hydration, and nutrition that supports emotional stability. "Therapy is really one part of it, but the rest of it comes down to you," she notes. "You have to start making changes and like how you treat yourself".

Advice for the road ahead 

For those still standing at that first landmark of indecision, Elisse offers a metaphor: "Getting better is like cleaning out a closet. You got to take everything out of the closet first and it’s going to be a mess at first... it’s going to be pretty bad before it gets better".

Her final message is one of patience and self-advocacy:

• Progress isn't linear: "You’ll have missteps. You’ll have days where you’re not doing okay. And that’s okay".

• Be your own ally: You must be your own advocate because you are the one who has to live your life every day.

• Give yourself grace: "The world is shitty enough as it is. Please don't be hard on yourself".

Whether you are seeking peer support, looking for a therapist who understands your cultural background, or just need a mental health toolkit to get through the day, we are here to help. 

Reach out to us at MHAI today  or 312-368-9070 to explore our resources and find the community support you deserve.